Clue
by Jedi Knight Cheeze
Summary: Me, Sabel Katze, and four of the world's greatest detectives play that famous mystery game, Clue. Insanity ensues. Whose idea was this, anyway?


**Another update? Is Jedi Knight Cheeze back?**

**Just in case someone is actually reading this insanity, you should know that Lynn is Sabel Katze and Todd happens to be my character…my detective that I use in my original mysteries. And obviously this is written from my, Jedi Knight Cheeze's, point of view. **

**And on another note, this is my first time writing Jane, Monk, or Shawn. And I don't watch Psych often. So don't kill, please. : D**

**Without further ado, here we go!**

* * *

"Ok guys," I said, pulling the board game out of the closet, "If we're gonna do this, we have to do it correctly. No cheating, no shouting, no being pissy if you lose. Got it?"

I brought the game over to our kitchen table. The table was full save for one spot, which I took.

My eyes went round the table, left to right. My best friend Lynn, sketching something on a napkin. Shawn Spencer, spinning his pencil on the table. Patrick Jane, smirking at me. Adrian Monk, fidgeting with his sleeves. And Todd Erickson, looking rather bored and irritated.

I coughed. "Guys?"

"Oh. Yes, fine." Jane said amicably, waving a dismissive hand. "We'll be good sports."

"Easy to say now," Shawn said. "Clue is a very serious game, Mr. Jane. We'll see who's a good sport when they lose."

I sighed and opened the box.

"Time to pick characters. I call Plum."

"Hell no!" Lynn said. "I want Plum!"

We glared at each other.

"Duel you for him," I said.

She smirked. "Got Lightsabers?"

"We'll be right back," I said. As we walked away, I was well aware of everyone else at the table staring at us.

The duel took only a few minutes.

We came back, I grumbled, "She won," and Lynn triumphantly claimed the Plum piece.

"I guess I'll take Mr. Green," I said.

"I'll take the maid," Monk said, taking Mrs. White.

"I call the pretty lady," Shawn said, snatching Miss Scarlet.

"Then I call Colonel Mustard," Todd said, but before he could take the piece Jane snatched it.

"Sorry," he said, smiling, "Don't want to be Peacock."

"That's not fair!"

"Well, you snooze you lose, Toddster," Shawn said, "You better get quicker if you want to join the big leagues."

"We're starting," I said, quelling any out breaking argument. "I'm picking three cards…there. In the envelope."

"I know who did it," Monk said, looking up.

Jane smiled. "Adrian…"

"I know, I know! But it's just so obvious!"

"Well, can you try and play along for the non-highly-gifted-detectives?" Todd asked.

I smiled. "Thank you, Todd."

He smirked. "Actually, I was referring to Spencer."

Lynn laughed. "Ooh, Burn."

"Yeah, good one, Peacock boy," Shawn said, "I guess that brings you one step closer to the big leagues."

Todd started to stand up, but I pulled him back down.

"Just switch characters with me!" I said, well aware of Shawn and Lynn's snickering. "Mr. Monk, please take your turn."

"Ok," he said hesitantly. He began to reach for the dice before he stopped.

"Maybe…maybe we should wipe them off."

"Mr. Monk," I said, "I already sterilized everything."

"…Are you sure?"

"Roll the damn dice," Lynn said.

Monk did as he was told, though still hesitantly.

The dice rolled onto the game board and knocked Mr. Green off his place. Monk flinched.

Grumbling, Todd set his character back into place.

No one moved for several seconds. Then Monk adjusted Mr. Green's position on the board. Seeing that the piece was still a little off-center, I adjusted it again.

Monk adjusted it. I adjusted it. Monk adjusted it. I adjusted it. Monk adjusted it…

"Will you two cut that out!?" Todd snapped.

Monk cleared his throat, rolled his shoulders, picked up Mrs. White, and daintily moved her the correct number of spaces into the ball room.

"I think it was Miss Scarlet in the ball room with the knife," he said quietly.

Todd smirked and handed him a card. Monk looked at it briefly and handed it back. After a few seconds while Monk perfectly filled in the square for whatever Todd had given him, Todd rolled the dice. After moving, he declared that he thought it was Mrs. Peacock in the conservatory with the wrench. Looking down at my hand, I found the wrench card and handed it to Todd. He sighed and handed it back to me.

Starting from the conservatory, I moved into the ballroom.

"Professor Plum in the ballroom with the revolver."

Lynn leaned over as she handed me my card.

"It couldn't possibly be Plum," she whispered. "What kind of dumbass murders someone in a house filled with other people? Certainly not a professor."

I smiled and handed back the Plum card, scratching Plum off my list. Lynn rolled and moved Plum into the study.

"Mr. Green in the study with the candlestick!"

Shawn handed her a card and quickly picked up the dice.

"You seem eager," Jane noted with some amusement.

"Clue is my game, Mr. Jane. Oh, will you look at that. Just enough."

He moved Scarlet from her place in the ballroom to the kitchen.

"I think it was Mr. Green-"

"Stop moving me," Todd grumbled.

"…In the kitchen with the revolver."

Nobody moved for several seconds.

"Mr. Jane?" I said, "Do you have a card for Shawn?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Nope."

I looked down at my hand. Nothing. I glanced over at Lynn. She shrugged.

"Wait a minute…" Todd reached for the envelope.

"Don't bother," Monk said, "He's right."

But Todd opened the envelope anyway.

"…That bastard!"

"Does that mean I was right? Wow, that was a good guess."

"You cheated!"

"Prove it, Erickson."

"No one wins in the first round of Clue!"

"The odds are against, you, Shawn," Jane said, smirking.

"I never had the opportunity to cheat."

"Oh, you'd find a way, Spencer," Lynn said, rolling her eyes.

"Well-"

"Ok, that's it," I snapped. "Cheating or not, this game is over. I can't believe you guys."

"I know," Shawn said, "I specifically remember her asking you guys not to be pissy when you lose."

"_You sit next game out, Spencer!_"


End file.
